||Issue No. 336 -- 8 August 2005
Quote/s of the Week
Ad Hoc Article/s of the Week
Bits and Bobs
The Legal Beagle
Where are they now?
Club and Other News
Credits and Contact Info
Subscribing and Unsubscribing
|Send this Issue to a Friend!
I was hoping to get this out on Monday but bandwidth or lack of it (thanks Telkom) made it too difficult.
So... just to cheer up all of you not living in sunny Johannesburg, we have been experiencing a nice run of warm weather... today the high in Johannesburg is around 25C and the same for tomorrow. Not too shabby for winter!
We were planning an extra visit to the dam this afternoon to ski but this morning Captain Ken and I took Snowball to a special vet in Fairlands who deals with white cats and dogs who have skin cancer.
Snowball starts his radiation therapy this afternoon in the Rand Clinic in Berea. Hopefully he will be fine, albeit with possibly trimmed ears: the radiation will be three times a week for two weeks and then the vet is hopeful that he will live at least another five or so years. He’s ten next week... so we are thinking lots of positive thoughts for him to be around and continue to give us as much pleasure as he has in the past.
Any of you with white cats and dogs should be aware that they are very likely to get skin cancer. We caught it early (stage one) so the prognosis is good. Check your pet’s ears and nose in particular.
These from me...
Whatever tears one may shed, in the end one always blows one's nose. - Heinrich Heine
To be able to be caught up into the world of thought--that is educated. - Edith Hamilton
My motto was always to keep swinging. Whether I was in a slump or feeling badly or having trouble off the field, the only thing to do was keep swinging. - Hank Aaron
This from Daniel Jan le Roux...
Everything will be okay in the end, so if it's not okay, it's not the end. - Unknown
Send in any quotes you love... that have some special meaning for you... and I will use at least one every week. Usual address! firstname.lastname@example.org
|Ad Hoc Article/s of the Week
Each week we will feature a question and answer sent in to the Company for Immigration. We hope these will help answer any questions you might have regarding any part of the coming home process. If you would like to send in your own question, please feel very free to do so.
We will also be featuring a great amount of information on the SAW Website (www.saw.co.za) under the Coming Home section. You can also find out info by visiting our newly relaunched site, South Africa Online (www.southafrica.co.za) and checking out the Coming to SA section.
Here is a bit more info...
Whenever and wherever South Africans meet, the surest way to start a lively discussion, is to ask someone for an opinion about emigration from or remigration back to South Africa. In 2002 we (i.e. the non-profit immigration service, Company for Immigration, and the trade-union, Solidarity) realized that the return of South African expats had become a fact and that their inputs are essential for the growth and development of the country. We are neither interested in a debate about the reasons why people leave or come back, nor about the merit of their decisions. We prefer to provide a practical service instead:
offering advice and assistance to prospective remigrants;
addressing the problems which cause people to emigrate; and informing people about the pros and cons of emigration, to help them make an informed decision before leaving.
Interested? Want to receive our monthly newsletter by email? Have questions or suggestions? If so, please visit our mirror sites www.comehome.co.za or www.komhuistoe.co.za and leave your details on the visitor's page, or contact us at email@example.com. We are looking forward to hearing from you!
This week’s Q&A:
Christina, Germany: I need general information about health schemes in South Africa.
For information about health insurance and the system in South Africa, you can also have a look at www.medicalschemes.com.
Alana & Annatjie
COME HOME CAMPAIGN
Migrasie / Migration
Solidariteit Alliansie / Solidarity Alliance
P O Box 8766, Centurion, 0046, RSA
Recruitment drive for English speaking candidates with medical backgroundTo All in YeboLand!!!
The Africa Section is embarking on a major recruitment drive for about 400-600 international UN Volunteers to support the health sector of the Province of Kwazulu-Natal in South Africa. UNV/UNDP will provide, over a six-year period, support through the provision of international UN Volunteers: 400 General Practitioners, 172 Medical Specialists and 70 Pharmacists. We are in the initial phase of the recruitment and do not have a detailed terms of reference (ToR). We will provide you with the detailed ToR in the coming days.
The following areas of specialisation have been identified to start off with:
Nature of Contract: International UN Volunteer Specialist
Expected duration of assignments: two years initial (with possibility of extension)
Required language: English language skills to operate independently without the support of a translator
Qualifications: University degree, preferably as the Masters level with specialisation in the above three mentioned areas.
We kindly advise potential candidates to either submit their CVs by email directly to Kwazulu-Natal.Recruitment@unvolunteers.org or through the UNV Office at the UN House, 5 Kofi Annan St., Cape Point, Bakau, attention UNV Programme Officer.
South Africa's international credit rating upgraded again
This from Guy Lundy...
Hot on the heels of a deal in which Barclays has taken a majority shareholding in South Africa's largest domestic bank, ABSA, worth more than R30-billion, international confidence in South Africa's economy has been given another boost with an upgrade of the country's credit ratings and the proclamation of a stable outlook.
International credit rating agency Standard & Poor's (S&P) have upgraded South Africa's long-term foreign currency sovereign credit rating from BBB to BBB+ and the equivalent local currency rating from A to A+. At the same time the short-term foreign currency rating was raised from A-3 to A-2 and the local currency equivalent stayed steady at A-1.
The upgrades to the ratings were made on the back of South Africa's improved economic stability and strong and stable political institutions. According to S&P's credit analyst, Beatriz Merino, "The upgrade reflects South Africa's strong track record of macroeconomic management and improved prospects of sustainable higher GDP growth rates." Sensible macroeconomic policies over the past ten years have been successful in bringing about low inflation, low interest rates, reduced fiscal deficits and stabilised debt levels.
The major factor preventing even stronger upgrades centres on socioeconomic weaknesses brought about by inequality between rich and poor, poverty, unemployment and high HIV infection rates. Very important to ongoing improvements to the country's credit ratings in the future will therefore be the continuing removal of structural weaknesses through economic reforms and sustained social reforms. Fortunately the prudent economic policies followed so far have made room for a more expansionary approach.
The upgrade is particularly important coming from possibly the most respected rating agency, Standard & Poor's. Like the Barclays deal with ABSA, it sends a very positive signal to potential foreign investors who may be considering South Africa as an investment destination.
Cees Bruggemans, chief economist at First National Bank told I-Net Bridge, "This reflects that we, as South Africa, are continuing to do well and people are taking note. This will mean that we'll qualify for more and more investments." Johan Russouw, chief economist at Vector Securities, said "One of the spin-offs should be lower premiums in foreign borrowing by government, which is good news from the taxpayers' perspective."
For more interesting and exciting news about developments in South Africa, subscribe to the International Marketing Council's regular BrandSA newsletter by visiting www.imc.org.za/goodstuff.htm or www.imc.org.za/subscribe.asp.
If you would like to contact Guy, visit his web site here.
This from Daniel Jan LeRoux
Word spread across the countryside about the wise Holy Man who lived in a small house atop the mountain. A man from the village decided to make the long and difficult journey to visit him. When he arrived at the house, he saw an old servant inside who greeted him at the door. "I would like to see the wise Holy Man," he said to the servant. The servant smiled and led him inside. As they walked through the house, the man from the village looked eagerly around the house, anticipating his encounter with the Holy Man. Before he knew it, he had been led to the back door and escorted outside. He stopped and turned to the servant, "But I want to see the Holy Man!"
"You already have," said the old man. "Everyone you may meet in life, even if they appear plain and insignificant... see each of them as a wise Holy Man. If you do this, then whatever problem you brought here today will be solved."
It's been a week of big changes. So, why not try something new with the ezine as well?
This week, I'm sending the text version only with a link to the web page for the ezine. You can see the colorful one at:
Let's try it and see how it works for you.
Hey...change can be good--or at the very least, interesting.
That's the theme hitting home for me this week, so let's explore that a bit, shall we?
I've always been a change junkie, and I have a good time with it.
But not everyone embraces big changes, or even small ones. There's no rule saying you need to force yourself to change anything for the sake of newness, but it's helpful to experience change because you become more skillful at making distinctions and shifting your perspective.
Besides, it just feels good to shake things up now and then, and the more you get used to it, the more flexible—and creative—you become.
Mindfulness starts when we notice something new—or something old, for that matter.
It's human nature to see novelty as the first spark of awareness, and it's a lot easier to see the world with fresh eyes after you've stirred the pot a bit.
We can alter our schedules, our workplaces, our addresses, our hobbies, our hairstyles, or our diets in an attempt to seek newness.
But even those changes can lose their luster when you become aware of—and accustomed to—bigger shifts in novelty. Once you see little changes as inviting and invigorating, big changes don't seem so big anymore. And those little monkey wrenches life throws your way? They become a lot easier to handle.
The change junkie's mantra is 'Why not?' Instead of focusing on reasons to maintain the status quo, the change junkie drills down to the rationalization for change. Looking for excuses to stay the same feels far less satisfying than drifting down the 'This could be interesting' path.
And really, it's 'interesting' that keeps life, well, interesting. We get trapped in thinking that movement has to be vertical. We're always judging our options in terms of whether or not they will help us 'move up' in some way—financially, socially, physically, mentally.
Let's go lateral. Sometimes, sideways is the direction that leads to greater understanding, cracklin' creativity, and more fun. Why? Because we focus less on our expectations and more on our possibilties.
When you're presented with an opportunity to change something in your life, step back and look at the direction it might take you. Be willing to see that your choices are not merely 'up' or 'down' in terms of your life ladder. Take a long look at that chance to experience something' interesting' instead.
When you look back on your life, chances are that your most cherished memories are lateral moments. Yes, it was incredible to find your life partner or become a parent. Sure, seeing your project become successful meant a lot. But take a closer look at the movement—was it really a step up, or was it a step sideways? And if you see it as a step up, ask yourself this: where exactly is that ladder going?
Don't be afraid to dance with change in a way that feels less threatening and more inviting. Start seeing sideways moves. Try little steps that won't take you too far away from your ladder, but give you enough space to kick up your heels.
By paying attention to the direction of our steps, we can become merrily mindful.
How's that for a change?
Watch Your Step
This week, watch your step. You can do that literally or figuratively. The important thing is to become aware of your movement, and look closely at what feels like a step 'up' or a step 'down'--while keeping an eye out for a step toward 'interesting'....
This last week, we moved out of our 'work' house after selling it, and we purged nearly everything from our 'home' house--sold furniture, gave tons to charity, sorted and packed and ended up with a half a dozen cardboard boxes, some miscellaneous wall stuff, plus our backpacks.
I mentioned in last week's Friday Mind Massage that we would probably give up Teal's drawing of chickens playing tennis and Tara's spelling bee trophy. Well, we didn't. We couldn't do it. And there was no reason to let go of anything that we really wanted. The whole point was to simply figure out what that was.
When it came right down to it, the things that mattered weren't consistent in any way except for the fact that they mattered.
We've been thinking about our family's move to Old Mazatlan, and after answering a lot of questions, I've decided that the best way to describe it is as a lateral move. We're not moving 'up' in any typical way--house size, number of cars, job rank, etc.--but we're certainly not moving 'down' either.
To read more about that, visit my blog at: MassageYourMind.blogspot.com
Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse in Portland, Oregon.
Through her company, Real-World Mindfulness Training, she
teaches playful and powerful eyes-wide-open ways to get calm,
clear and creative. To get her FREE special report, "The Dirty
Little Secret About Meditation" visit
©Copyright 2004, Maya Talisman Frost
52 Best Stories – Why me?
Yesterday morning, my family and I got up at 5:30am in Mexico to begin our journey home from a holiday retreat. Eight hours of packing, driving, flying, and standing in line later, we arrived at the airport in Los Angeles physically intact but emotionally a bit worse for wear.
It was at this point, standing in yet another line with a screaming toddler in my arms, that my six year old daughter Clara decided she absolutely had to have a look at her passport picture. This was a seemingly innocuous request, but in fact would have involved my unhooking several bags from my shoulders and letting loose the toddler who, screaming aside, had already demonstrated her intention to leave no 'Do Not Enter' sign undisturbed in her exploration of the world of airport immigration.
Now, it would have been the easiest thing in the world to have thought 'why me?' when Clara was nipping at my ankles and the people around me in line were silently nominating me for a 'person I'd most like to not sit next to on an airplane' award. (Actually, many of the people around me may have been asking themselves just that.)
But after responding to Clara's continual requests like a six year old adult, (I believe the words "I'm not going to do it and you can't make me!" may have passed my lips), I took a deep breath, recognized that my reaction was more a function of my emotional state than her behavior, and I apologized for being mean to her.
"Mean?" she asked, incredulously. "You weren't mean to me. You're my daddy. Daddies can't be mean."
It was at this point that the question 'why me?' popped into my head. Why me? Why do I get to be loved so unconditionally by someone who is all too frequently in the line of fire when I lose my cool? How is it possible that her love and trust are still firmly intact after six years of sporadically positive parenting? As I thought about some possible answers to those questions, the following story came to mind:
One day, a human went to heaven, in the way that humans often do. On arrival, the human was greeted by a host of angels and given a tour of all of heaven's wonders. Over the course of the tour, the human noticed that there was one room the angels quickly glided past each time they approached.
"What's in that room?" the human asked.
The angels looked at each other as if they'd been dreading the question. Finally, one of them stepped forward and said kindly,
"We're not allowed to keep you out, but please believe us - you don't want to go in there."
The human's mind raced at the thought of what might be contained in that room. What could be so horrible that the angels of heaven would want to hide it away? The human knew that one should probably take angels at their word, but found it very hard to resist temptation.
"After all", the human thought. "I'm only human."
Slowly walking towards the room, the human was filled with dread and wonder at what horrors might be about to be revealed. But in fact, the room was filled with the most wonderful things imaginable - a beautiful home, nice cars, great wisdom, a happy family, loving friends, and riches beyond measure. Eyes wide, the human turned back to the angels.
"But why didn't you want me to come in here? This room is filled with the most amazing things I've ever seen!" The angels looked at each other sadly, then back at the human.
"These are all the blessings God wanted you to have while you were on earth, but you never believed you were worthy."
There is a notion in Jewish mysticism that the nature of the universe is not one of reward and punishment but rather one of receiving or rejecting God's blessings. When we connect with our sense of value in the world and connection to others and to life, we become like God - we share naturally and receive continually.
When we cut off from our awareness of being of value and a part of all things, we become distinctly human. We retreat into ourselves and experience a world of pain, loss and suffering.
Maybe when good things happen to me, it's not so much a reward for good behavior as it is a case of an abundant universe sharing freely with one of its citizens.
Maybe the reason I have a daughter who loves me unconditionally is to make it easier for me to be a really great father to her. And if you find yourself to be happy, or beautiful, or successful, or talented, or wealthy, maybe it's so you will be able to share your happiness, beauty, talent, and wealth with the world.
~ The Author is Michael Neill who is a licensed Master Trainer of NLP and has written over 450 articles on in the areas of business success, money, relationships, health, happiness, well-being, and spirituality. His weekly coaching column is reprinted in newspapers and magazines throughout the world, and can be found online at http://www.geniuscatalyst.com
Ramblings Of A Francophobe
I have been in SA for the last three weeks and will be here for another two, so haven't had much time to submit the usual ramblings.
When I have time, will pass on some thoughts about our wonderful country and the tragedy how it is being spoilt for so many of us by the actions of a small number of incredibly selfish, stupid, and dishonest people.
Wonderful roads, abused by stupid people who place no value on their lives (fair enough), nor on those of the rest of us.
The Lowveld winter and its scenery - stunning. Three wonderful days at Londolozi, where we saw all the 'Big 5'.
Smiling staff in restaurants, delicious food, flexibility where the customer gets what he wants, not what the restaurant want to serve.
Beautifully preserved Pilgrim's Rest and the views from some of the roads in the area.
Good value, but getting expensive.
Security everywhere, but is it working?
Labour relations at the national carrier at their lowest ever after a strike costing hundreds of millions of rand, whilst the Chief Honcho of SAA, by all accounts a particularly nasty character with a track record of failure and strife, decided to take a weekend break in the Kruger National Park.
And so on...
Scientists tell us that as eagles age, their beaks and talons become encrusted with calcium. Thus, neither is as sharp as they once were. When this happens, the aging eagle cannot hunt as effectively as he once did. As he ages, he also loses some of his feathers. When this happens it causes his body to "whistle" in the air as he dives toward his prey. This destroys his ability to hunt in silence, thus further reducing his effectiveness as a hunter.
When the eagle enters this period of his life and he appears bedraggled and haggard, he will descend from soaring in the heights above and find him a place in the rocks. There, he will pluck out all of his feather and break off his own calcium encrusted beak against the rocks. He will even scratch his talons against the rocks until they are reduced to nubs. At this point, the eagle is absolutely vulnerable and defenceless. Many eagles die during this process because they cannot feed themselves or escape predators.
But, during this time a wonderful thing begins to happen, to those who survive. The feathers will begin to grow back. His beak will also grow back. His talons regrow as long and as sharp as ever before. After a time, the eagle will step out on the rocks, flap his great wings and take to the skies once again in victory. The eagle has "renewed its youth", its vigour and strength return and it mounts up and soars on high again.
"The foolish think the Eagle weak, and easy to bring to heel. The Eagle's wings are silken, but its claws are made of steel." Sidney Sheldon
There comes a time in all our lives when we should regroup, reconsider and re-evaluate. It’s never too late to start over. It’s good to take refuge and be alone, or at least to take counsel from a wiser and more successful Eagle. It’s been said that you can put wings on a pig, but he will never soar. Be careful not to take advice from a winged pig, masquerading as an Eagle. Select an Eagle whom you admire and trust and emulate the metamorphism described above.
“Come to the edge,” he said, but they were afraid. “Come to edge,” he said. They came, he pushed them, and they flew.
Robin J. Elliott www.DollarMakers.com
No queries received this week.
These requests are from subscribers to SAWmail and or members of the SAW Web site. I print them in good faith.
This from South African Culture in New York
We have received at the Consulate in Chicago, a lost South African Driver’s License that was found in West Bloomfield, Michigan, in the name of:
M van Reenen
It would be greatly appreciated if you could circulate this information in case someone may know this person and so that we can have it returned.
Our contact number in Chicago: 312-939 7929 X 210
Contact Person: Cilda Pretorius
If you are looking for a lost friend... if you would like old friends to contact you... If you want to find old school friends... if you just want people who used to know you to find you again for a chat...
Send in your info, the info of anyone you are looking for and let’s see if we can find them for you!
I've been receiving SAW for ages and so enjoy reading it all.
I would like to find an old school friend, Anne Brown. From the late 50's early 60's we attended Clarendon High School. She lived in Carisbooke Rd. Stirling, East London with her Mum, Dad and younger sister Letitia.
I believe she married an Hungarian and have no idea of where she/they may be. We both liked opera and I still have the ancient Miklos Gafni LP that she gave me. I've managed to keep up with many old friends from that time, but she's slipped through the net. If any reader knows of her, Carolyn Marriott (nee Kirk) would very much like to hear from her, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I've now lived in Australia since the late 60's, have been back to SA on and off, the last time two years ago. I love this country but there's still no place like SA. We were originally from England, but as my late mother said, Africa gets into your blood.
Thank you, Carolyn M
My name is Angie Oostdijk Korsman.
I used to live in South Africa many years ago. Since 62 I’ve been living in Holland. Been up and down many a time I was so home sick it ruined my life. In '97 I left Holland for good. After 3 months I came back to nothing and had to start from scratch. No matter I am alright now - married a very nice man and I’m living in Zeeland - it’s a bit like Africa: space and the weather is warmer than in the north of Holland.
I am at peace with myself and the world it has taken my whole life to find it a lot of time has been wasted. Now I am looking for a friend that has been in Holland with me in the 70 's. I lost track of her and her sister Elisabeth. Her name is Louisa Erasmus. Her sister Bettie used to work at Groote Schuur hospital in Cape Town. They know my brother Benny Korsman who in the meantime is living in the marina in Richards Bay SA.
Could you help me please
Thank you very much
Angie Oostdijk Korsman
USA – New York
I have read your newsletter for quite some time now and really enjoy it.
Could you please advertise the next New York/New Jersey Springbok Club Get Together in New York.
Next New York/New Jersey Springbok Club Get Together in New York
Date: August 18, 2005
Time: 6:30 PM until 11:00 PM
Place: Pig and Whistle Pub
Address: 165 West 47th Street between 6th and 7th Avenue in Manhattan.
Upstairs (the stairwell is near the back of the pub, just before the restaurant area). We have the whole 2nd floor to ourselves.
For more information: www.nynjspringbok.com.
Event: Indie Music Explosion!
Thomas Channell Solo Acoustic @ The C-Note
Wed, Aug 10th @ 9pm
45 minute set
NO COVER.... PASS THE HAT – WHAT a DEAL!
157 Ave C & E. 10th Street
21 and over!
Check out below a recent review posted by the guru of reviews, Billy Shaw, on the Sonicbids website!
Just a reminder that on Wednesday August 10 at 9pm South African singer-songwriter Thomas Channell will be at The C-Note in New York’s Lower East Side. Come early! This is a rare opportunity to see Thomas play an intimate solo set, August 10 also marks a special anniversary in Thomas' life, look out for an evergreen SA tune, Paradise Road. His song "I have my reasons, but reason isn't one of them" made the semi-finals of the UK Songwriting Competition 2005.
This leaves me speechless
Billy Shaw, Sonicbids, August 3, 2005
I have my reasons, but reason isn't one of them - Thomas Channell
I'd like to say that this leaves me speechless, but anyone who actually knows me would end up blowing coffee through their noses at the thought.
So here goes:
This track as pure composition maintains a theatric or showtune quality to it, both in the evolution of the music itself, and in the progression of its lyrics through the song. I would consider it a top-end professionally crafted piece around which portions of a Broadway-type production could easily be hung. As a composition, it retains an intimate, adult portrayal of a couple in the midst of mutual revelation. It is very tasteful, and highly integrated between the lyrics and the music (and its arrangement). Moreover, it would not stretch the piece to adapt it to pure instrumental as part of additional dramatic soundtracking or standalone within adult contemporary instrumental programming.
Execution of the composition is similarly professional; there doesn't really appear to be any weakness within the fabric of sound underlying the dialog between the couple as the song progresses. There are richly laid textures all through the work, but sparsely placed in highly tasteful fashion. Again, the instrumental portion itself could be utilized were this piece to find its way to stage or screen.
There is nothing at all pretentious or contrived about the intimacy presented here, or in the accompaniment; if this piece, as is, were mixed like this and presented to A&R execs at a major label, there is nothing in the presentation that should cause Thomas or anyone else involved to lay awake sleepless wondering what else could or should have been done before its unveiling.
I myself would pay money to see Thomas (with or without his backup) perform. But I would be certain to catch a show in an appropriately listenable environment. If I spent money to see him perform only to have to put up with disengaged floor chatter and/or a disengaged audience using Thomas as background music, I would be more than annoyed, to be sure. Catching him/them in a quality forum would be a key to seeing them live.
There are aspects of Thomas' approach to his art that remind me of "classical rock" (like Renaissance or maybe Steeleye Span). But it exists with a sense of timelessness that would maintain a long shelflife without going stale. In fact, his art is so beyond contemporary trend that he could easily be doing these same songs for another four decades without starting to sound dated like a Vegas period piece entertainer.
Anyway, that's my take. I think Thomas is perhaps one of the finest "singer/songwriters" in the serious adult scene that I've heard in awhile. I wish him more than just the best; I wish him success handling his success. And he should remember us little people when the time comes!
Traditional South African Barbeque Braai
Where: in the Biergarten of Gasthaus Zum Schwanen, Hollerberg 7, Altstadt Oberursel
When: Saturday 13 August 2005 at 1300h
We offer: Castel Lager, Windhoek Lager and a variety of SA wines. Springbok, rump and ostrich steaks as well as boerevors, lambchops, braaibroodijes and grilled corncob.
Entrance: 18 Euros and half price for those under 12 for the buffet.
Please reserve under 06171-55383
If you were wondering why I haven't used a joke you sent in; some of the jokes
I receive are just not suitable for general publication. So send me suitable jokes and I will publish them and acknowledge their origin.
Please note that these articles DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT the opinion of SAW, The House of SYNERGY (THOS) or your editor. They are published here for your consideration – you can agree, disagree or ignore, but please don’t shoot the messenger!
SAWs are a diverse group of people with diverse opinions on many issues.
This from Daniel Jan Le Roux
A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse."
The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?"
"Sarah Finkel, room 302."
"I'll connect you with the nursing station."
"3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?"
"I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302."
"Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon."
The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!"
The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!"
"Neither! I'm Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me sh*t."
Oldie but still goodie!
More from Daniel
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I just lie there.
Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.
Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reebok.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
Attorney: How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years.
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.
Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Witness: We do.
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.
Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: Uh, he's twenty-one.
Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Would you repeat the question?
Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Attorney: How many were boys?
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your Attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Attorney: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
This week I want to ask readers to send in their favourite recipes. South African or not... if it's one that you and or your family enjoy, send it along!
Springboks race up the rankings [Planet Rugby]
South Africa have officially claimed second spot on the International Rugby Board (IRB) world rankings. That is hardly a surprise - even before last Saturday's Newlands encounter we knew that a simple win over the All Blacks would see the Springboks move into second place ahead of the Wallabies.
Goosen captures the International [M&G]
South Africa's Retief Goosen scored 32 points to capture his first PGA Tour title this year by winning The International.
Jhb tries for Gay Games [News 24]
The Organising Committee of Johannesburg's Bid to host Gay Games VIII in 2010 on Saturday announced that they have received official endorsement from the national Sports Commission.
How a runner named Budd split the Tories [GU]
All Zola Budd ever wanted to do was run like the wind. Instead the barefoot middle-distance prodigy found herself at the centre of a political and sporting controversy that swirled from the highveld to Whitehall and beyond.
|Credits and Contact Info
South Africans Worldwide - SAWmail Copyright © 1998 - 2005 Maesti
Editor: Maureen Cram
Copy Manager: Maureen Cram
Web Development: Wizard
Post Master: Albert E. Stein
Bandwidth: All You Can Eat
SAWmail - An Internet service brought to you by Maesti.
Tel: +27 11 708-2632
Fax: +27 11 708-2632
|Subscribing and Unsubscribing
SAWmail is only sent to subscribers and is never sent unsolicited
Please forward this message onto a friend!
Visit the link below to join up to SAWmail (subscribe):
You're receiving this newsletter because you signed up to get it.
If you prefer, alas, not to receive email from us, you can unsubscribe
from SAWmail by visiting the link below: (un-subscribe):
If you are having any technical problems with SAWmail, please send a message to: email@example.com
For advertising enquiries please contact us via e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org