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| Contents |
Issue No. 346 -- 24 October 2005 |
Editor's Message
Quote/s of the Week
Ad Hoc Article/s of the Week
Bits and Bobs
The Legal Beagle
Help Desk
Where are they now?
Club and Other News
Humour
Recipes
Sports News
Credits and Contact Info
Subscribing and Unsubscribing
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We went away for a long weekend down to the Wild Coast... to Mbotyi River Lodge (www.mbotyi.co.za). Watch next week’s SAWmail for a detailed article on how wonderful it was.
That’s why SAWmail is a bit late. Also due to the vagaries of Telkom... once again we were without bandwidth for all of yesterday. I wonder if anyone in South Africa has a good word to say about Telkom. ADSL prices are due to sky rocket at the beginning of November... not sure how companies (including us) are supposed to find the money for the increase in costs... You can go here for more info if you are interested: www.hellkom.co.za.
SAW Advertisement
VisitBritain SA and the UK Post Office are giving away a 7 day rendezvous  for you with your friends and family living in the UK. 4 Flight tickets to the UK, accommodation and a whole bag of goodies included. Click here to get your name in the draw!
SAW Advertisement |
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These from me...
Rosa Parks, the black seamstress whose refusal in 1955 to give her seat on a Montgomery, Alabama, bus to a white man sparked a revolution in American race relations, died on Monday at age 92.
Here are some quotes from Rosa and some other quotes I found that seemed appropriate.
• Whatever my individual desires were to be free, I was not alone. There were many others who felt the same way. – Rosa Parks
• Each person must live their life as a model for others. - Rosa Parks
• Memories of our lives, of our works and our deeds will continue in others. - Rosa Parks
• Where is there dignity unless there is honesty? - Cicero
• Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. - FM Hubbard
• The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. - Ann Landers
• I'd rather be right than President. - Henry Clay
• I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man. - George Washington
• Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain
• Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves. - Walter Anderson
These from Daniel Jan le Roux...
If you want things to stay as they are, things will have to change. - Giuseppe Tomasi di Lampedusa
When you hate, the only one that suffers is you because most of the people you hate don't know it and the rest don't care. - Medgar Evans
This from Claudia Blyth ClaudiaB@denorco.com
I wrote your name in the sand ... & the sea washed it away!
I wrote your name in the air ... & the wind blew it away!
I wrote your name in my heart ... & there it will stay forever!
| Ad Hoc Article/s of the Week |
TOP |
Coming Home
Each week we will feature a question and answer sent in to the Company for Immigration. We hope these will help answer any questions you might have regarding any part of the coming home process. If you would like to send in your own question, please feel very free to do so.
We will also be featuring a great amount of information on the SAW Website (www.saw.co.za) under the Coming Home section. You can also find out info by visiting our newly relaunched site, South Africa Online (www.southafrica.co.za) and checking out the Coming to SA section.
Here is a bit more info...
Whenever and wherever South Africans meet, the surest way to start a lively discussion, is to ask someone for an opinion about emigration from or remigration back to South Africa. In 2002 we (i.e. the non-profit immigration service, Company for Immigration, and the trade-union, Solidarity) realized that the return of South African expats had become a fact and that their inputs are essential for the growth and development of the country. We are neither interested in a debate about the reasons why people leave or come back, nor about the merit of their decisions. We prefer to provide a practical service instead:
offering advice and assistance to prospective remigrants;
addressing the problems which cause people to emigrate; and informing people about the pros and cons of emigration, to help them make an informed decision before leaving.
Interested? Want to receive our monthly newsletter by email? Have questions or suggestions? If so, please visit our mirror sites www.comehome.co.za or www.komhuistoe.co.za and leave your details on the visitor's page, or contact us at admin@cfi.org.za. We are looking forward to hearing from you!
This week’s Q&A:
Mac, USA: What is the difference between an abridged and unabridged birth certificate?
Dear Mac, The abridged one contains the person's name, date and place of birth only. The unabridged one will also provide the person's parents' details. For immigration purposes, it is always best to apply for the unabridged version. Application forms for birth, death and marriage certificates can be downloaded from www.home-affairs.gov.za.
Kind regards
Alana
COME HOME CAMPAIGN
Migrasie / Migration
Solidariteit Alliansie / Solidarity Alliance
P O Box 8766, Centurion, 0046, RSA
Tel: 0027-(0)12-6438532
Fax: 0027-(0)12-6438587
admin@cfi.org.za
Fighting Colonial Ghosts
This from your editor from the New York Times October 20, 2005
Editorial
President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe went to Rome for the meeting of the United Nations' Food and Agriculture Organization this week. As he usually does whenever he manages to elude sanctions that restrict his travels to Europe and America, he let loose at George Bush and Tony Blair, likening them to Hitler and Mussolini and blaming them for all of Zimbabwe's woes.
While he spoke, armed bandits back in Zimbabwe were raiding potato farms, and opposition leaders were drumming up support for a boycott of Senate elections next month. In addition, aid agencies say 4 million of Zimbabwe's 11.5 million people are facing famine.
Mr. Mugabe's response has been to raze squatter camps around Harare, driving hundreds of thousands of the destitute into greater misery. The U.N. has called that a "catastrophic injustice." Mr. Mugabe has called criticism of the destruction "blatant interference." Zimbabweans are not hungry, he said - they just can't eat their favorite foods.
Clearly, the Food and Agriculture Organization can allow anyone it wants to attend its World Food Day ceremony in Rome. The United Nations and its agencies must remain ecumenical and open. And the occasional appearance by Mr. Mugabe does help remind the world that the 81-year-old tyrant is still around, still blaming colonialists, neocolonialists, racists and everybody else for his country's suffering, still fixing elections and hounding his opponents.
There was a time when Mr. Mugabe's credentials as a fighter against white-minority rule earned him respect. That time is long gone. He is a millstone around the neck of one of Africa's best endowed lands. Who says so? The South African archbishop Desmond Tutu, who has said Mr. Mugabe is a "caricature of an African dictator"; Kenneth Kaunda of Zambia, who has called on Mr. Mugabe to stop "fighting colonialist ghosts"; the Nobel-Prize-winning writer Wole Soyinka, who has labeled Mr. Mugabe's regime "a disgrace to the continent."
Mr. Mugabe has run Zimbabwe for a quarter of a century, crushing every attempt to dislodge him, so there's little point in urging him to heed his fellow Africans. But there is every reason to support the opposition in its brave efforts to oust Mr. Mugabe's clique, and to assure the suffering people of Zimbabwe that the world has not forgotten them.
Long-distance work attracts foreigners to SA
This rom Theo Truter
By Thabo Masemola in IOL (www.iol.co.za)
Bosses from abroad are moving to South Africa to enjoy the climate and lifestyle here while continuing to run their companies overseas with the help of modern communications and rapid air travel.
While the boss soaks up the sun, living in luxury in Constantia or Clifton, his staff brave the rain and snow in London or Frankfurt. The managing director is only an e-mail, videoconference or phone call away.
And with 3G cellphones these days he can look his staff straight in the eye from wherever he happens to be - even at the beach or the golf course.
Leon Isaacson, general manager of a Cape Town immigration consultancy, said the "global village" meant people could live here and run businesses overseas at the same time.
'Many now wish to bring back their skills to the country'
"South Africa remains a destination of great interest. Foreigners see it as a fantastic country. They can start a business or settle here for retirement. They come here and enjoy the way of life.
"In terms of technology and electronics, South Africa is among the best [countries] in the world. It is centrally situated and advances in technology make the country accessible."
Dinesh Harry, of the Western Cape province statutory investment promotion agency (Wesgro), agreed.
He said that, even though his company dealt more with foreigners who ran businesses in South Africa, he also dealt with South Africans who ran businesses abroad.
"We are more involved with people from overseas setting up companies in tourism and guest-houses in this country. More are also coming into the wine industry."
Erik van Zyl, a Cape Town immigration consultant and former Department of Home Affairs official, said South Africa had become a favourite destination for highly skilled people seeking to settle and open up new businesses.
A number of tourists coming into the country used their visits as a "look-and-see" period, exploring either business possibilities or the prospects of settling after retirement.
Van Zyl said South Africa had "friendly" immigration legislation. Repeal of the Aliens Control Act in favour of the Immigration Act of 2003 had enhanced the movement of new South Africans and returnees.
"In the past, legislation discouraged multiple entry for foreigners, thus proscribing freedom of movement. This has been done away with in new legislation," Van Zyl said.
As many South Africans who left the country after the 1994 democratic elections had found that "the grass was not always greener on the other side", some wished to return.
"A whole range of people left the country either for studies, work or to explore other opportunities abroad... Many left their property in the hands of families, friends and now wish to bring back their skills to the country."
South Africa's image abroad
After 25 years in South Africa's Tourism and Hospitality industries, I moved to the U.K. to promote Tourism to South Africa.
My first step was to establish my credentials with influencial companies and organisations, such as ABTA and BA. South Africa being highly popular, after the positive political developments over the last 10 years, opened many doors for me.
After sevaral meetings in London, it soon became obvious that the general concensus amongst Travel Professionals was that South Africa is not doing enough to promote its many sights and destinations. This valuable information I tried to bring to the attention of SA Tourism, and even the responsible Minister in the S.A. government. Sadly, my letters were completely ignored, and offers of free promotional activities remain unanswered.
This clearly indicates the need for 'private enterprise'. The various Government institutions are not interested in additional exposure.
With this in mind, I invite readers involved in Hospitality and Tourism in SA, to contact me via email (udann@hotmail.com) describing their business activity, and quoting their contactable addresses. Upon receipt of this, I will personally reply to each letter, and propose cost effective measures for marketing purposes.
Ulrich Dannecker
Reason, Season and Lifetime
This from Mike Preston
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to end the relationship.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real.
Only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a Season or a lifetime.
George Carlin's Views on Aging
This from Des Cowie
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half; You're four and a half, going on five!
That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13; but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk!: He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.
Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE IT to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you REACH 4:30; you MAKE IT to bedtime.
And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92!"
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
How to stay young
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay " them" .
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love. Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever; your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, even to a foreign country; but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them -- at every opportunity.
And always remember:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
And if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares?
But do share this with someone.
We all need to live life to its fullest each day
Mind Massage
Mindfulness and Age: Nudging Toward Ninety
One of the interesting things about living in Mazatlan, Mexico is that I feel quite young. It's not just the fresh fruit, stress-free lifestyle, and beach walks. It's that most of the North Americans who have made their way here are in their sixties or seventies, so at 45, I seem like a relative youngster.
But that didn't stop me from showing up at a recent book-signing in the neighborhood. I'd heard that Ethel Stockton, a local writer, was going to do a bit of speaking about her latest book, 'Not Too Old.'
Someone mentioned that Ethel was nearing 90, and I also knew that she lived in a stunning home just two doors down from me, so, wanting to get a chance to meet my new neighbor--and get a close-up look at that interior courtyard--I showed up for the event.
There were plenty of senior citizens present, so at first I wasn't sure which one she was. As it turns out, Ethel blends right in with those twenty years her junior, so it wasn't until she introduced herself to me that I recognized the featured author.
Ethel took the podium and delighted us with her colorful characters, Real-World wisdom, and terrific humor. She was sharp-witted in every sense.
But most fascinating of all was her story, which just happens to be remarkably similar to that of her main character, Annaliz.
As Ethel described it, she was in a 'lovely rut' in Washington state, where she had a nice home, a beautiful garden, plenty of friends, and meaningful work. She could have stayed there forever. But something kept 'nudging' her, making her unable to ignore the gentle tug toward Mazatlan.
Her grown kids were hounding her to get rid of the big house and yard and settle into something, well, easier. Well, she fooled them. Sure, she sold her place. But she didn't buy a little condo in Toppenish and take up knitting. Instead, she headed down to Mazatlan--unable to speak a word of Spanish and not knowing a soul.
That was 30 years ago.
She ended up buying a large house (she is a gifted interior designer and is right this moment working on TWO homes for clients in Washington) and turning it into a popular Bed and Breakfast. She painted, cooked, cleaned, and played hostess to guests from around the world.
But after many years of that, she decided to sell the place. She found another home, redid it, and settled in. Now what? Well, she'd always had this idea that she might like to write someday. She felt a 'nudge' in that direction.
One morning, after a dream, she got up and typed the first chapter of her first book. She called that book, 'Old Is A 4-Letter Word' and introduced her feisty character, Annaliz, a senior with plenty of sizzle. Ethel was on a roll--she wrote three books in three years! Her subsequent books, 'Older Is Better' and 'Never Too Old' follow the adventures of Annaliz--and in many ways, those of Ethel herself.
Ethel is back in the U.S. for a few months to do a book tour (and finish those homes) but she'll be back down here 'for good' around Carnaval time.
I loved hearing Ethel speak, but my ears really perked up when she mentioned the word 'wonder'--that's a word I use a lot in mindfulness training. She was saying that it is a purely natural and extremely valuable characteristic that we all need to nurture--no matter how old we are.
Ethel is turning 90 this month. She likes to say that living in Mazatlan allowed her to be who she really is, and she's immensely grateful that she did not stay in that 'lovely rut.'
She's been paying attention to those nudges, and they've led her to a richly-lived life far more creative and fulfilling than she could have imagined.
Her advice? Feel wonder. Play every day. Laugh at yourself.
And pay attention to nudges.
I'm halfway to 90. With any luck, I'll be nudging my way there and beyond, with as much energy, optimism and laughter as Ethel, my new neighbor--and role model.
Your Secret Assignment: Act Your Shoe Size
This week's secret assignment is a strict admonition to NOT act your age. Instead, you're going to act your shoe size.
Your U.S. shoe size, that is. Don't know yours? Look here: http://tinyurl.com/2wjy8
Let's see, that makes me about 8.
A very good year. Third grade. I did a lot of coloring, and danced with my friends to 'Sugar Sugar' by The Archies. I sold Girl Scout cookies. I made tissue-paper flowers and wore them in my hair while dancing in the Mexican Fiesta assembly. I played sonatinas on the piano. I rode my bright pink Schwinn with a metallic silver banana seat.
I had a crush on Dirk Wolff. I longed to wear nylons and mascara like the big girls. I wrote my secrets in an orange diary with a lock. I watched 'Gilligan's Island' with my brothers. I had shoulder-length hair that I wore in two braids, and I loved reading my mother's musty old Nancy Drew mysteries.
What's YOUR (U.S.) shoe size? What were you doing at that age? Get specific.
Do something this week that takes you back to that time, and pay attention to little details that remind you of that age. What did you eat/read/play/listen to/think about?
Reconnect to it, and have some fun with it.
I'd love to hear your stories! Send me a message at:
Maya@MassageYourMind.com
Ethel Rocks On
Ethel checks her email daily ('Of course!') and has her own website ('Certainly!')...
To learn more about her wonderful books--offered in large print ('What else?')--visit:
http://www.EthelStockton.com
Ethel got a kick out of my 'Wow of Wonder' movie ('How delightful!')...
If you haven't seen it, take a look right now! It's only about a minute long, and it will help you get into the right frame of mind for your secret assignment!
http://www.Real-WorldMindfulness.com/movie.htm
**********************************
Maya Talisman Frost has taught thousands of people how to pay attention. Through her company, Real-World Mindfulness Training, she offers playful and powerful eyes-wide-open ways to get calm, clear and creative. To receive her free special report, 'The Dirty Little Secret About Meditation,' visit her website at MassageYourMind.com
(C) Copyright 2005, Maya Talisman Frost
**********************************
52 Best Stories – With Love
Love exists not only between us who are human....but also between us who are human and our friends with whom we share our lives.
With Kind Regards, Sandy
He had just saved her from a fire, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house and putting her safely in her front yard, while he continued to fight the fire.
She is pregnant.
The firefighter was afraid of her at first, because he had never been around a Doberman before.
When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest.
A photographer from the Charlotte, North Carolina newspaper, "The Observer," noticed this red Doberman in the distance looking at the fireman.
He watched her walk straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do.
As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her unborn babies, and kissed him, just as the photographer snapped this photograph.
~ Author Unknown ~
http://www.52best.com/with.asp
Northern Lighties
Some time ago I promised to write more about Boldt Castle in the 1000 Islands part of St Lawrence river..jpg "Bolt Castle")
If you remember I was on my lightning tour of parts of eastern Canada and the US and got intrigued by the castle on an island out in the middle of the river by Alexandria Bay.
Mainly because of the story that surrounded it.
So I have done some digging up of facts and we now have the full story of that castle that stands guard on the St Lawrence seaway.
Basically it was built as a Valentines day present for a hotel magnates wife who died during its construction. Heartbroken he abandoned the project, never returned to the island and what was left stayed there as a forlorn monument to lost love.
For 73 years the Castle and the other structures on the island were left to the mercy of the elements, and vandals.
The Thousand Islands Bridge Authority acquired the property in 1977. A decision was made to use of all net revenues from the Castle operation and preserve the castle, islands and grounds for the enjoyment of future generations.
Since then several million dollars have been applied to rehabilitating and restoring the Heart Island structures.
Today the island is now fully accessible to the handicapped, has complete restroom facilities, picnic areas, as well as a food and beverage concession and seems to be visited by thousands of people on a regular basis. At least the numerous ferries I noticed going over always seemed to have a full passenger load anyway..jpg "Brandt")
The first level of the Castle has been turned into a museum, filled with exhibits dedicated to the lives of George and Louise Boldt and the development of the Thousand Island region.
The Power House and Clock Tower, designed after the fashion of a Medieval Tower, and located on the eastern end of Heart Island was intended to house coal fired steam generators to provide electricity to the island.
An arched, stone bridge connects the Power House to the island, and the highest tower provided river traffic with illuminated clock faces and the music of chimes.
An underground passage led from the servants' dock on the water's edge. Goods transported from barges at the dock through this tunnel to storage rooms within the Castle's foundation.
The tunnel also housed water pipes and electrical wiring from the Power House.
A rocky crest of the island was extended into a level plateau by making a promenade terrace on top of the stone-walled service tunnel. In contrast to the more natural landscape elsewhere on the island, this Italian Garden was to be geometrically formal, so high retaining walls were raised on the opposite side as well, making the plan symmetrical.
At the opposite extremity of the garden from the Castle's Ball Room, a pool was surrounded by a curved, lower terrace, overlooking the roof of the Power House.
Marble statuary intended for the Italian Garden, was delivered from Italy. Some of these statues were found half a century later still in crates, sunk within an old boathouse
Alster Tower, the Boldt's playhouse, was the first structure Boldt erected on Heart Island. Its design suggests a defense tower similar to those on the Alster River in Germany. This building was intended for the entertainment of guests and the Boldt children. The ornate "Shell Room" was to be used for dancing, and was so named because of the shape of the roof. The basement housed a bowling alley, and the upper floors were to include a billiard room, library, bedrooms, cafe, grill and kitchen. Unlike the main residence, which was never completed, this whimsical "play house" was completed and occupied by the Boldt family during the four years when the Castle was being erected..jpg)
The Boldt Yacht House, located on nearby Wellesley Island can be seen from Heart Island's north side, was built to house the family's three yachts and houseboat. The main space rises 64 feet to accomodate tall masts and rigging of their yacht in slips 128 feet long, with doors so huge and heavy that an engine was required to open and close them. The yacht house included a shop as well as living quarters for the crew and maintenance staff.
It now serves as a museum where you can see some of the boats actually used by the Boldt family.
The interesting thing about Boldt was that he was an immigrant. He came to America in the 1860's from Prussia, the son of poor parents and became the most successful hotel magnate in America. He owned the famous Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York City, and the Bellevue-Stratford in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He was the president of the St Lawrence River Real Estate, The Thousand Islands Country Club, the Hotel Association of New York City and a trustee of Cornell University.
Boldt invested over $2.5 million to build this replica of a Rhineland castle, bringing in the finest of artists and the most skilled craftsmen for this project.
He planned on presenting it to his wife on Valentine's Day as a monument of his love for her. Work was underway on the eleven buildings that would comprise the castle complex when tragedy struck. In January of 1904 Louise Boldt died.
Heartbroken, Boldt telegrammed his construction crews ordering that all work be stopped. Three hundred workmen dropped their tools and left the island. Boldt never returned to the island, leaving it instead as an unfinished monument.
Which, having been resurrected, now provides countless people the opportunity to enjoy what he had envisaged all those years ago.
Julian will be starting a new column soon to help with all your queries.
Nobody wanting help this week.
If you are looking for a lost friend... if you would like old friends to contact you... If you want to find old school friends... if you just want people who used to know you to find you again for a chat...
Send in your info, the info of anyone you are looking for and let’s see if we can find them for you!
No new news for this week.
Zimbabe Government Notice
This from Mike Preston:
.jpg "Official notice!")
Elephant Stew for the hungry
This from DanielJan LeRoux
This dish takes about 2 to 3 months to prepare.
Note: Under no circumstances do we kill elephants for food in South Africa. All elephants exist protected in their natural habitat in our game parks. When the parks become overpopulated (elephants are very destructive to the flora) they are either re-located or undergo planned culling.
Ingredients
1 Elephant
10 Warthog
100 kilogram tomatoes
half ton potatoes
100 kilogram salt
1 wheelbarrow onions (heaped)
10 liter vinegar
20 liter chutney
4 Guineafowl
Hunt the elephant, warthog and guineafowl. Hang guineafowl to ripen. Cut elephant into edible chunks, (will take about a month). Boil the warthog with other ingredients (except guineafowl) till nice and juicy. Now boil elephant chunks over high flames till tender. (will take about 4 weeks) and add everything together. Boil for another 5 to 7 days.
Produces about 3,500 helpings.
Note: If the above isn't enough, add the guineafowl as well.
Excerpts from the Edinburgh Fringe 2005
More from Daniel
Enjoy a wee laugh...
I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
- Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
- Jimmy Carr
The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm
bears.
- Chris Addison at the Pleasance
My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.
- Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon
My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two gra! ms to get me to sleep at night.
- Susan Murray at the Underbelly
Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?
- Adam Bloom at the Pleasance
You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening.. Self-raising?"
- Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms
I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
- Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron
I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the Girl out of Cork...
- Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco
Got a phone call today! to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
- Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
- Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".
- Steven Alan Green at C3
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
- Norman Lovett at The Stand
It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
- Chris Addison at the Pleasance
I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation! - but I'm not very good at it.
- Arnold Brown at The Stand
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
- Milton Jones at the Underbelly.
Nearly Halloween again... so here are some ‘tried and true’ recipes for you and the children to try:
.jpg "Halloween pumpkins")
Dinosaur Eggs from VegWeb.com
Ingredients:
1-1/2 cup chopped grasshoppers (chopped dates)
1-1/4 cup squashed bugs (peanut butter or almond butter)
1 cup rocks (chopped walnuts or pecans)
3/4 cup dry grass (toasted wheat germ)
1 cup crumbled egg shells (shaved coconut, wide shreds)
1/2 cup crushed bones (instant tofu or soy milk powder) or enough for proper
consistency
3-4 tbsp swamp water (carob flavored soy milk)
1/4 cup bugs eggs (sesame seeds)
1 tbsp lava (unsulphured light molasses or maple syrup)
1 lb dirt (2 cups carob chips)
1/4 cup Adams Ale (hot water)
Directions:
With hands, mix together grashoppers (dates), bugs (peanut butter), rocks (nuts), dried grass (wheat germ), egg shells (coconut shreds), crushed bones (milk powder) swamp water (carob flavored soy milk), bugs eggs (sesame seeds) and lava (molasses or maple syrup). Roll into balls. Melt dirt (carob chips) in top of double boiler over hot water. Using tongs, dip dinosaur eggs (candy pieces) into dirt (melted carob chips) to cover entire egg. Arrange on wax paper and store in refrigerator or freezer. These dinosaur eggs also taste great without any dirt (carob chip) covering. Makes about 3 dozen eggs that look like chocolate balls.
Serves: about 3 dozen "eggs"
Preparation time: 1 hour
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Here is a tasty recipe for the season - pumpkin pancakes. It came from AllRecipes.com
These barely-sweetened fluffy pancakes feature ginger, cinnamon and nutmeg to emphasize the pumpkin flavor. Serve them hot with maple syrup for the best autumn or winter breakfast dish ever.
Prep Time: 20 Minutes
Cook Time: 20 Minutes
Ready In: 40 Minutes
Makes: 12 pancakes
Submitted By: Ruth
Ingredients
2 cups all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons brown sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground allspice
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
½ teaspoon ground ginger
½ teaspoon salt
1 ½ cups milk
1 cup pumpkin puree
1 egg (or 1 heaped tablespoon ground flax seeds mixed with ¼ cup of water)
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 tablespoons vinegar
Directions
1. In a separate bowl, mix together the milk, pumpkin, egg, oil and vinegar. Combine the flour, brown sugar, baking powder, baking soda, allspice, cinnamon, ginger and salt; stir into the pumpkin mixture just enough to combine.
2. Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately ¼ cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot.
--------------------
Blue Witch's Brew
From The North American Blueberry Council
Scare up this shake for all your ghosts and goblins on Halloween. You'll have them shouting "yum" instead of "boo!"
Serving Size: 4 Preparation Time :0:10
2 1/2 cups fresh or frozen, thawed blueberries
1 1/4 cups apple juice
1 cup vanilla ice cream or soy/rice ice cream
1/4 cup milk or soy milk
3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
In a blender whirl blueberries, apple juice, ice cream, milk and cinnamon until smooth. Serve immediately.
Yield: 4 cups
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Vampire's Blood Shake
From Lori's Halloween Web Site
2 cups plain yogurt
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
1 package frozen strawberries or raspberries, thawed
ice cubes
1 pint strawberry ice cream
1. Mix yogurt, vanilla, and berries in the blender.
2. Pour into tall glasses over ice cubes, or chill.
3. Top with a big spoonful of strawberry ice cream.
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Spooky Eyeball Tacos
Recipe Adapted from Kraft Halloween 1998
Serving Size: 12
Notes: Tasty meatballs are the eyeballs in this kid-pleasing dish.
1 package vegetarian burger crumbles (such as Morningstar Farms brand)
1 packet vegetarian taco seasoning
12 taco shells
shredded lettuce
chopped tomatoes
salsa
sour cream
pitted olives, sliced
Prepare burger crumbles with taco season according to seasoning mix directions. Let cool, then shape into 36 (1-inch) balls; place in 13x9-inch-baking dish. Bake at 350°F for 15 to 20 minutes or until cooked through. Fill each of 12 taco shells with 1 meatball, salsa, lettuce and tomato. Top with 2 additional meatballs dipped in sour cream. Garnish with sliced pitted ripe olives to create "eyes." Makes 12 servings.
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Blood and Guts
(Pineapple with Vanilla Pudding and Strawberries)
Submitted by Karl Wacker
1 can pineapple chunks
1 package quick set vanilla pudding mix
1 cup milk
1 small box/bag of frozen strawberries in heavy syrup
Defrost strawberries. Drain the pineapple chunks of their juice*.
Place pineapple chunks in bowl. Mix pudding with milk and, when it starts to set (after about 30 seconds), pour over pineapple chunks. Just before serving, top with strawberries in syrup, and stir slightly. Looks gross, tastes great.
* To Drain Pineapple Chunks: Make two holes in top of can, invert can over glass to catch juice (if desired). Shake can once or twice to aid in draining.
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Bloody Eyeballs on the Rocks
Recipe By: Creepy Cuisine, Lucy Munroe
Serving Size: 6 Preparation Time :0:00
12 radishes
7 ounces olives - pimento-stuffed
46 ounces tomato juice
Prepare these bloody eyeballs the day before your plan to serve them. Peel radishes, leaving thin streaks of red skin on them for blood vessels. Using the tip of the vegetable peeler or a small, knife, carefully scoop out a small hole in each radish. Stuff a green olive, pimento side out, in each hole. Place 1 radish eyeball in each section of an empty ice cube tray. You may need to pare your eyeballs down a bit to fit. Fill the tray with water and freeze overnight. Pour tall glasses 3/4 full of tomato juice and add a pair of eyeballs to each glass.
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Slash 'Em, Gash 'Em Spuds
Recipe By: Creepy Cuisine, Lucy Munroe
Serving Size: 6 Preparation Time :0:00
6 medium russet potatoes
2 teaspoons salt
½ cup milk
4 tablespoons butter or margarine -- softened
1 teaspoon pepper
12 small mushrooms
2 red bell peppers - cored, seeded and sliced
assorted vegetables - broccoli, zucchini, carrots, etc.
ketchup
additional melted butter
Peel off potato skins with a vegetable peeler. Cut potatoes into quarters and put them in a large pot 3/4 full of cold water. Add 1 teaspoon of salt to the water, cover the pot and boil for 15 to 20 minutes, or until the potatoes are soft. Using a slotted spoon, carefully remove potatoes from the hot water and place in a large mixing bowl. Add the milk, butter, pepper and the remaining teaspoon of salt. Beat with an electric mixer for 3 to 4 minutes, or until light and fluffy. Spoon a mound of potatoes onto individual plates. Allow to cool slightly, then using clean hands, sculpt a human head on each plate. Using vegetables of your choice, add eyes, a nose and a mouth to each head. Try mushrooms for eyes, red pepper slices for lips, broccoli for hair or moustaches, etc. Using a blunt knife, slash a gash down the side of each head. Pour ketchup (blood) into each gash and dribble on melted-butter pus for a deliciously disgusting side dish!
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Poached Skull and Crossbones
Recipe By: Creepy Cuisine, Lucy Munroe
Serving Size: 4
4 bananas
1 can pear halves - drained
1 handful raisins
strawberry or raspberry fruit sauce - or "all fruit" preserves
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Cut bananas in half lengthwise and place 2 halves, or bones, crisscrossed in X shapes in a baking dish or on a cookie sheet. Place your pear-half skulls on top of the banana X's, curved side up. With a blunt knife, make 2 small slits in the pears for the eyes. Insert a raisin in each slit. Bake for 10 to 15 minutes.
Remove from the oven and carefully transfer to individual serving plates. Drip some fruit sauce blood around your creepy crossbones.
And if you want more recipes, go here:
http://vegetarian.about.com/library/holidays/blhalloween.htm
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