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| Contents |
Issue No. 347 -- 31 October 2005 |
Editor's Message
Quote/s of the Week
Ad Hoc Article/s of the Week
Bits and Bobs
The Legal Beagle
Help Desk
Where are they now?
Club and Other News
Humour
Recipes
Sports News
Credits and Contact Info
Subscribing and Unsubscribing
| Send this Issue to a Friend! |
TOP |
The article on Mbotyi River Lodge (www.mbotyi.co.za) will be coming for next week’s edition. I have to wait for the owners to approve what I wrote.
In the meantime, we are getting a bit more rain. As I write it is raining or rather showering. The water level in the dam continues to recede as the farmers use the water for their crops.
Happy Halloween to those who celebrate it... now it’s downhill to Christmas! Still seems strange to me to see all the Christmas goodies in the shops as the weather gets warmer. I think that is one thing that a non-South African-born person doesn’t really ‘get’. Coming from the northern hemisphere I always expect Christmas to be in the colder part of the year. Seems a bit weird to think of Christmas dinner as a braai or a cold meal. SAW Advertisement
VisitBritain SA and the UK Post Office are giving away a 7 day rendezvous  for you with your friends and family living in the UK. 4 Flight tickets to the UK, accommodation and a whole bag of goodies included. Click here to get your name in the draw!
SAW Advertisement |
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These from me...
If my heart can become pure and simple, like that of a child, I think there probably can be no greater happiness than this. - Kitaro Nishida
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde
The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it. - Richard Bach.
Happiness is a conscious choice, not an automatic response. - Mildred Barthel.
Send in any quotes you love... that have some special meaning for you... and I will use at least one every week. Usual address! editor@saw.co.za
| Ad Hoc Article/s of the Week |
TOP |
South Africa Targets 'Despicable' Hunting
This from The Associated Press by Clare Nullis
Tuesday, October 25, 2005; 12:57 PM
CAPE TOWN, South Africa -- Lions bred in captivity to be shot and killed by a pleasure-seeking tourist. Rhinos felled by bow and arrow for fun. Zebras bred with donkeys to slow their escape from hunters.
A panel of experts highlighted the darker side of South Africa's booming wildlife industry Tuesday and recommended a total ban on "canned hunting" _ the release of captive-bred animals to be killed for sport with no chance of escaping their human predators.
Environment Minister Marthinus van Schalkwyk said the government would introduce legislation next year to salvage South Africa's reputation as an international haven for wildlife.
"We want to stop the approach of 'anything goes' in terms of hunting and crossbreeding," said van Schalkwyk, himself an avid hunter. "Some practices which have been developed over years and decades are distasteful and despicable."
South Africa is famed for its teeming animals and brilliant birds. The jewel in the conservation crown, Kruger National Park, draws millions of camera-toting visitors each year.
But in the shadow of Kruger _ where all hunting is outlawed _ smaller parks have sprung up, aimed at visitors who carry rifles. Last year, an estimated 6,700 tourists killed nearly 54,000 animals.
Faced with mounting public concern, van Schalkwyk convened a panel of environmental conservation and management experts in April to look into the industry and suggest ways of regulating it.
Documents provided to the panel by the TRAFFIC wildlife trade monitoring network provided details on the extent of the "trophy" hunting business.
It said 190 lions were hunted last year by foreign tourists, worth an estimated $3.3 million _ or $17,500 each. Nearly 5,500 kudus _ valued at $5.3 million in all _ also were killed, along with 45 leopards worth an estimated $250,000.
The list of slain animals included baboons, giraffes, elephants, hippopotamuses, mongooses, porcupines, warthogs and zebras. Prices paid ranged from $25 for the humble pigeon or quail to $25,000 for the mighty white rhinoceros.
Some hunters were offered the chance to shoot large mammals, including rhinoceroses, with bows and arrows, condemning them to a long and painful death, the panel found.
"This is something that no civilized country can continue to tolerate," van Schalkwyk said.
To satisfy the insatiable demand of foreign hunters, game parks resorted to importing boars from Russia and tahrs from the Himalayas, the panel said.
Breeders also used crossbreeding and genetic manipulation to make the potential prey more appealing _ for instance, by introducing more albino strains in lions. This could have devastating implications for long-term biodiversity in South Africa, the panel said.
One of the most extreme examples quoted was that of the "zonkey," a crossbreed between the fleet-footed zebra and the slower-moving donkey.
The panel concluded that hunting is _ and should remain _ an integral part of South African life because of its importance to the economy and employment. Hunting kudu and other game to make "biltong" _ a popular local dried meat _ is one of a number of entrenched traditions, it said.
But the panel said there must be more controls, greater self-regulation and a concerted attempt to transform the white-dominated hunting industry into a multiracial business that benefits more sectors of society.
Crispian Olver, chairman of the expert panel, said implementation of its recommendations would help repair South Africa's tarnished image among environmentalists and animal rights groups.
"We would be able to stand proud among the nations of the world and no longer be ashamed of our hunting," he said.
'We won't drive all whites off'
This from Theo Truter truter@mweb.co.za
Do we accept & believe this?
The Zimbabwean government does not intend chasing all white farmers out of the country, says vice-president Joseph Msika.
Johannesburg - The Zimbabwean government does not intend chasing all white farmers out of the country, Zimbabwe's Herald Online reported on Friday.
It quoted vice-president Joseph Msika as saying: "Our policy is not to drive all whites out of their farms."
The policy of "one-man one-farm" should not be used against legally settled productive white commercial farmers, he told a farmers union congress in Bulawayo.
"We have situations, like the one in Esigodini, where some ex-combatants are unilaterally trying to push out some white farmers producing tomatoes in Esigodini for sale here in Bulawayo," Msika said.
"That is not our policy."
It was unfortunate that the social and economic justice programme was being wrongly interpreted by some people to justify displacing white commercial farmers.
"What I know about the land reform programme is that it says, if a white commercial farmer has five farms, then we take four so that he remains with one," Msika said.
"If again that one farm is too big we then apply the concept of maximum farm sizes and we take a portion of the farm and leave him with the right-sized portion. The intention is not to grab everything."
Both new farmers and the white commercial farmers should work together to achieve food security in the country.
"The whites used us during the colonial era. We should also use them this time around. One obviously cannot just wake up a good farmer, you need to learn," Msika said.
http://www.news24.com/News24/Africa...
UN envoy slams SA stance on Aids
More from Theo
Stephen Lewis - the United Nations' special envoy for Aids in Africa - has come out strongly against President Thabo Mbeki's HIV policies.
Read the full story here:
http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?art_id=vn20051030093815316C673733&set_id=1&click_id=13&sf=
Zimbabwe 'sliding back into the Dark Ages'
More from Theo...
The fuel shortage in Zimbabwe is so bad now that municipalities in Harare and beyond have resorted to using ox-drawn carts to collect rubbish from urban homes. Basildon Peta investigates...
http://www.iol.co.za/index...
Choice Coach - Work in Progress
Learning from Family Patterns
Tomorrow I will be teaching a class on the creation of genograms. A genogram is pretty much a family tree, except that its focus is on specific patterns of behavior. In the context of the course of which this class is a part, the focus will be on substance abuse, because the class is for students who plan to become addictions counselors.
However, genograms can focus on any behavior, and we can learn a lot about both ourselves and our families when we create them. We can learn to understand better. We can see more easily what is so easy for some to forget - that not only were we at least partly shaped by our parents, but that they, too, were shaped by theirs and so on back. We can see patterns that we might choose to avoid, and gain a greater understanding of patterns that we have followed, sometimes without even knowing why.
I now understand why my father was so concerned about being "proper" as we grew up - something that caused considerable friction when I was in my rebellious teens. He had worked so hard to overcome a background in which little was expected, a background where education was not valued, and where most of the aunts and uncles sought little more than lives as domestic servants. I have one of my father's school notebooks in which he worked a math problem. For purposes of learning to calculate volume the exercise involved calculating how many cubic feet of manure would be needed to cover a field of a certain number of acres. That is what was expected of him, that he would become a farm
laborer. Indeed, one of his first jobs was as that but, by hard work, by taking courses, by working to correct his "uneducated" accent, he became the person he wanted to be. In World War II he attained the rank of Lieutenant Colonel, something that rarely happened in those days if one did not have the benefit of "the old school tie." Now I understand his distress - he saw our youthful rebellions against propriety as steps backward down a path along which he had labored long and hard.
Another example - is it coincidence that I live over three thousand miles from the country of my birth? Or is there a connection with the fact that of my mother, my aunt and my uncle, my mother was the only one who stayed in England? My uncle established a dynasty in New Zealand, and my aunt died in India. Going back a further generation, is it a coincidence that among my grandmother and the other five siblings of that generation, all raised as children of a church minister in a sleepy rural village in England, only two stayed in England, although three of the others eventually returned? Is it a coincidence that my own daughter lived for over five years in the Orient?
I have to thank the Girls Scouts for setting me on this path. In 1976 in celebration of the Bicentennial, they created some special badges designed to connect with history. One of them involved learning about one's ancestors. In helping my Girl Scout daughter with this task I became hooked on genealogy, and to this day it takes up more time than it should.
You may have no interest in genealogy. (My mother used to shrug her shoulders when I raised the subject. "They're all dead," she would say. "What difference does it make when they were born?") However, my suggestion is that you start asking questions about events, patterns, behaviors. What can you find that links you in the chain of existence?
That might explain things that you have wondered about, or even that you have never thought about. Some of my friends do a double take when I mention ancestors because of the time involved. You see, looking at the pattern of child-bearing in my mother's line, the average age of marriage of the last four - that would be my mother through my great-great-grandmother - was almost 29. The average age that they had their first child was almost 30, and the average age that the four women were when they had their last child was 40. So in this family two generations cover a time that is covered by three generations in many families, which often leads to confusion when I talk with friends whose families all started their families much earlier.
I know, none of these details are likely to be of interest to anyone who is not connected. I am simply using them as examples with which I am familiar, so as to demonstrate the extent to which family patterns may continue to play out even if we are not aware of it. The extension being that I believe that you, too, may find some insights into your own family if you begin to ask questions.
Some people fear to ask about family, because perhaps there may be skeletons. Somewhere in one of my lines the record shows that, after one twig from the family tree headed to Mexico in hopes of making his fortune, the records later showed a "notorious gunfighter" in Mexico, perhaps balanced out by the fact that his sister was a Mother Superior of a Convent! Skeletons in the family don't reflect on you, they reflect only on the people involved. We do not need to be ashamed of mistakes made by others, even if we do share their genes. Genetic heritage does not set our course for us, for we are creatures of free will. In fact, knowledge of our genetic heritage can guide us as to where we need to be perhaps more careful than some others need to be. There is sometimes a genetic component to alcoholism, but it does not predict that any individual will become an alcoholic - only that s/he may need to be a little more careful in consumption of alcohol than are some other folks.
Who in your family is the holder of the memories? You have no idea how many questions I wish I had asked my father before he died, or even his mother who, the last of my grandparents, died when I was a child. Ask them, while their memories are still available to you. Much may be revealed!
(I do understand that this piece may be frustrating to those of my readers who were adopted, and who do not know their antecedants. I apologize for any distress this may cause, but I feel that there are so many people who may benefit from tracking their family patterns that I should not withold this. If you are seeking, then I wish you luck in your search for the families connections that you are presently missing.)
[In the 1880s, when she was in her mid-twenties, my grandmother, that daughter of a rural Vicar, trekked for six weeks through Kashmir with a brother and younger sister. She kept a diary, which is in my possession. For years I have wondered what to do with it. It seems a shame that it should be hidden away, and yet it covers no historical insights, no high drama, and I have not known what to do with it. Today I have decided that I will transcribe it at my blog, piece by piece as I have time. You will find it at http://blog.choicecoach.com/ - but not today because it is Halloween, and there is candy to distribute!]
Copyright 2005 Diana Robinson, PhD., PCC. Work in Progress may be reproduced in its entirety only, including this copyright line. Disclaimer -The contents herein are solely the opinions of Work in Progress owner, and should not be considered as a form of therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of validity or accuracy. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, services of a competent professional should be sought.
Mailing Address:
Diana Robinson
2604 Elmwood Avenue #230
Rochester, NY 14618
USA
Mind Massage
Okay. This one is likely to be controversial. But, as Albert Einstein said:
"Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth."
Read it, think about it, and let me know your views!
Warmly, Maya
<><><><><><><><><><>
Maya Talisman Frost
Real-World Mindfulness Training
Mindfulness 101:
Should Meditation Be Taught In College?
A recent article published in The Chronicle of Higher Education about teaching meditation in college has created a great deal of buzz. Several media folks contacted me for my opinion, and they were surprised by my response.
I am sure there are plenty of meditation teachers who are grinning on their cushions at the notion of meditation being offered at universities for academic college credit.
Not me. I think it is a misguided idea--and I'd like to suggest a much better one.
It's not that I don't wholeheartedly believe that meditation is a powerful way to reduce stress, increase concentration, and develop greater awareness and compassion. It's not that I don't agree that college students could benefit from meditation--especially during those stressful finals weeks.
But making meditation an academic college course perpetuates a dangerous notion: that meditation is for highly intelligent, educated people only. ANYONE can benefit from meditation, and the more elite we make it appear, the more people will assume that they are somehow not the "right kind of person" to meditate.
Is a college professor the "right kind of person" to teach meditation? While there are certainly those who have studied meditation personally and professionally, they are not necessarily the ones who can teach it as a valuable wellness tool instead of a Religion or Philosophy course.
As much as I believe in the power of meditation, I'm not sure that paying $4000 (the going rate for one class at a private university in the U.S.) for a one-semester academic course in sitting-and-breathing is an appropriate addition to the curriculum.
Credit for sitting and breathing. Cha-ching! The universities find a new income stream.
Sure, I'm biased. After all, I have four teenage daughters, two of whom are taking college classes, so I tend to be rather mindful of the bang-for-buck quotient.
I'm also wary of turning the practice of nonjudgmental awareness into yet another adult task to be evaluated, another achievement to enable us to get ahead in a competitive world. Judging one's ability to be nonjudgmental seems counterproductive.
The alternative--offering pass/fail grades only--is equally problematic. A pass/fail class that consists of mostly sitting and breathing would be a shoo-in for the no-brainer credit award. We don't need to create more elitism around meditation, but neither do we want it to become the leading bonehead course on campus.
I believe meditation should be offered on every college campus--but make it an activity credit, like yoga or tai chi, instead of an academic credit. Or better yet, offer it at no charge in every student union building as a helpful skill for stress reduction.
Jon Kabat-Zinn, widely regarded as the maestro of meditation-as-medicine, has developed an outstanding program--Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction--which is being taught in communities all over North America. We need much more of that--in workplaces, clinics, hospitals, fitness clubs, retirement communities, HeadStart programs and drug rehabilitation centers.
Yes, we need to bring meditation to the masses. But the most critical element is this: we must open the world of mindfulness to include activities OTHER than meditation.
Those who are most dedicated to the practice and promotion of meditation tend to be Buddhists, whether they are teaching in a temple or a prestigious university. The irony is that if those who are most committed to creating a peaceful world could release their attachment to meditation, they would be far more likely to spread the message of mindfulness to the masses.
It's time to bring meditation down---WAY down.
In fact, we'd do well to shift gears entirely. Instead of focusing on teaching meditation in college, we should jump into playing with mindfulness in kindergarten.
We know that there are certain skills that are learned more quickly and easily by young children than adults--music, foreign languages, sharing--and I propose that mindfulness is one of them.
After all, five-year-olds are much more likely to stay fully present--that's what kids DO! And we want them to view it as an awe-inspiring way to see the world around them with greater awareness and wonder.
Kindergarteners learn by playing, so there's no need to force any particular sitting position or limit oneself to traditional props. In fact, if five-year-olds were encouraged to play with the idea of paying attention, I guarantee that they would be far more creative about it than any 18-year-old.
We don't need gongs in the kindergarten classroom--a kazoo would work just as well. We don't need to incorporate cushions, esoteric language, or religion of any kind.
What we do need are creative teachers who recognize the value of having students who are able to focus calmly in order to play well with others, listen, and learn.
Step away from the idea of meditation as an academic area of study, and jump into the notion that playing with preschoolers is a far more effective and enjoyable way to make mindfulness a lifelong practice.
Your Secret Assignment:
The "M" words
The discussion on meditation is really heating up in the media. You're likely to hear the words "meditation" and "mindfulness" in various news stories related to law, medicine, religion and education.
This week, your special assignment is to note these two words whenever you see, hear or say them--news, magazines, signs, etc.
When you note the "M" words, simply say to yourself, "Mmmmmm." Make that connection in your brain between these words and the sound of the letter M. Connect the image of M with meditation and mindfulness. Expand the possibilities for those neural connections in your brain.
Science is goooood. Fun is goooood. Mmmmmmm.
Send me a message with your ideas at:
Maya@MassageYourMind.com
**********************************
Maya Talisman Frost has taught thousands of people how to pay attention. Through her company, Real-World Mindfulness Training, she offers playful and powerful eyes-wide-open ways to get calm, clear and creative. To receive her free special report, 'The Dirty Little Secret About Meditation,' visit her website at MassageYourMind.com
(C) Copyright 2005, Maya Talisman Frost
**********************************
52 Best Stories – Don't Lose the Lesson
Good Morning Maureen,
Today's story is an Eskimo Fable that carries truth for us today. Although the Eskimo hunter felt a great lose in the killing of the eagle, he did not lose the lesson. He honored the fallen bird and in the fable this both saved his life as well as produced abundance for his people. May we likewise take the time to see and to honor the lessons from our "loses" today.
With Kind Regards, Sandy
A starving Eskimo hunter shot and killed an eagle one day for food. By the time he returned home, he felt so bad for killing the eagle that instead of eating it, he stuffed it and put in a place of honor. Anytime he brought home food, he would offer the first bite to the bird.
One day, the hunter was lost in a blizzard and was waiting for his end. He dreamed that he was found by two men carrying feather covered sticks and brought to their village. There he met a woman dressed in black. He instantly knew that she was the mother of the eagle he had killed.
The eagle mother said that he had treated her son well and paid him the proper honor. She would show the hunter the Dance of the Eagle, which he must memorize and teach to his own people. After the dance was over, the eagle village disappeared and the hunter found himself back in the blizzard.
He managed to get back to his village and told the people about meeting the eagle people. He taught them the Dance and every year, they performed it exactly as they had been shown.
They never hunted the eagle again and their nets and traps were always full.
~ An Eskimo Fable ~
http://www.52best.com/with.asp
Nobody sent in any questions this week.
Nobody needing help this week.
Nobody looking this week.
No new news this week... where is everybody??
Plenty of humour for you this week...
Cinderella
This from DanielJan LeRoux
Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named John for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years"?
The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold
Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother".
The fairy godmother replied "it is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?"
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform John, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."
Magically, John suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life. With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared. For a few eerie moments, John and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then John walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered..........
"Bet you're sorry you neutered me."
Frog and more puns
More from Daniel...
Frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him ... A super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.
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A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!
Actual call centre conversations!
Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get
through to enquiries, can you help?".
Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
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Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"
Operator: "Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France): "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".
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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
Customer: "OK".
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No".
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".
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Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?".
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There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power...................................... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too &*$^ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!"
Proud parents
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.
After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy He started working for a big airline; then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment." The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends"
Rather unfortunate website addresses!
This from Mike Preston
You'd think they'd have realised!
1) Who Represents?, a database for agencies to the rich and famous:
www.whorepresents.com
2) Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island:
www.penisland.net
3) Need a therapist? Try www.therapistfinder.com
4) Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com
Here’s a really easy recipe for a great tasting sweet snack.
The recipe is from www.veganfammily.com
Peanut Butter Balls
Ingredients:
¼ cup granola
2 tablespoons brown sugar
¼ cup shredded carrots
¾ cup peanut butter
Directions:
Combine all ingredients except peanut butter. Set aside. Heat peanut butter in microwave for 45 seconds. Add peanut butter to granola mixture, let cool, and roll into balls. Chill if desired.
Bojé, Gibbs out of India tour
Herschelle Gibbs and Nicky Bojé will not tour India with the South African cricket team in November. This follows attempts by Cricket South Africa, the South African Cricketers Association (SACA) and the players' legal advisors to clarify the intentions of the Indian Police in relation to these players should they visit India.
New blood could be Bok boost
National coach Jake White said he realised the value of new blood in the Springbok team when he gave Meyer Bosman the news that he was going on tour with us and both he and his father burst into tears.
Hayward back in Dolphins squad
Paceman Mornantau Hayward returns to the Dolphins fold this week for their SuperSport Series match against the Eagles in Bloemfontein starting on Thursday. He replaces leg-spinner Tyron Pillay who travels to Port Elizabeth with the KwaZulu-Natal provincial team that takes on Eastern Province.
South Africa ahead in 2011 World Cup race
A confidential IRB report has rated South Africa the best choice to host the 2011 Rugby World Cup. The document was compiled after visits to the three nations - New Zealand, South Africa and Japan - who are bidding to stage the tournament when the votes are cast later this month.
Proteas lauded after win over New Zealand
The South African national squad was Monday lauded by the country's cricket administration chief after they clinched a one-day international (ODI) series against visitors New Zealand with a 3-0 lead Sunday.
South Africa mourn Strydom
Steve Strydom, one of the legendary figures in South African sport, has died after a nine-year battle with cancer, aged 67. Strydom, father of former Free State captain and current South African selector Joubert, was a top all-round sportsman and one of South Africa’s most famous rugby referees.
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